Lessons learned
Here are some interesting life lessons I learned from watching movies this week
1. Drugs and wominising make you a bad person, but if you make good music and are famous we will forgive you and say ohh what a lovely man he was
2. Hi are you fat? You are, I bet deep down inside your a nice person, you must be all fat people are. Guess what, disappear for ten years and get thin and all those fit girls you went to school with will want to fuck you as will other model types you meet, also you won't get stretch marks or loose skin or anything
3. All girls in sorority houses are hot and hang out all naked in each others room
But what films taught me these lessons I hear you ask, well these ones
Ray
Lesson 1 was learned here and I also learned that I must stop watching these types of films as they usually bore me silly. Nothing new here then. Thumbs in the middle
Just Friends
Lesson 2 learned here. This was a real surprise as I wasn't expecting much. The story is stupid and all over the place but there are several laugh out loud moments in it and Anna Faris is hilarious in a role that is supposed to be a slight exaggeration of Britney spears. Thumbs Up
The Dukes of Hazzard
Lesson 3 learned here. Where do I begin, this was advertised as a comedy, well you didn't see me laughing. Tired and rehashed jokes with some random Jessica Simpson in skimpy clothes scenes thrown in. Worst of all, this continues Hollywoods growing trend of releasing unseen, too hot for the cinema titles. All the studios wonder why they don't make any money, its easy everything is watered down to PG-13(12a) shit that appeals to no-one, but hey the teen market will be able to go see it so we will make millions, then they piss people off by releasing the real version on DVD saying SEE THE VERSION THAT WAS TOO GRAPHIC FOR CINEMAS and all they do is through in two fucks and a couple of silly tarts flashing there tits. Back in the day I would go out of my way to sneak in to shit films cause I heard there was a flash of tit or some hair pie in it (fiver to anyone who gets the hair pie reference) maybe kids today will do the same. Thumbs down
posted by Richard Brown @ 7:20 pm
6 comments
6 Comments:
Went to see that 'Jarhead' last night by accident. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. It was pretty darn cool. Some amazing scenes, especially those with the burning oil fields.
I was meant to go see 'Memoirs of a Geisha' but it didn't quite work out that way.
Went to see "A Cock and Bull Story" but the fuckwits at Strand cinema aren't getting it in. Must not appeal to the spice bastards of Derry. No offence to you two lads. Didn't see anything. Went for a meal and then got drunk.
Only I am offended. So I am a Spice Bastard...is that some sort of Dune reference?
Richard Brown here is from Coleraine. Which totally 'out-Ballykellys' Ballykelly.
Portrush, Coleraine...I mean, come on. It's much of a muchness. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
"Coleraine is like Ballykelly times one thousand."
"Dear god!"
"Yes. Ballykelly-thousand."
Allow me to clarify.
"Spice-Boy" is a term we use to describe a certain type of scally. They aren't exclusively indigenous to Derry but this place certainly has more concentrated numbers than anywhere else I've seen.
It's basically Chav with a few very subtle, yet notable differences.
Spice-Boyz generally believe in haircutz, Celebrity magazines, tanning salonz and are very well groomed. A little too well groomed for a man. They also believe in BBC Radio 1 and whatever they happen to say is cool, generic depressing teen dramas, Hollywood money spinnerz, jewelery and - more often than not - adding a "z" onto the end of wordz wherever possible.
This is just a few examples. The spice boy is a little more complex than this. But only a little.
Now don't worry if one or two of these attributes applies to you. If most of them apply, however, then my advice would be to end it all now. Seriously.
Anyway you'd do well to be able to identify these pricks. We may in the future be required to "thin out their numbers" before they overrun the planet.
I have special sunglasses...
When I wear them, I can see beneath their sunbed-roasted skin...
There's nothing underneath. A vaccuum.
Post a Comment
<< Home